- Grammatical errors needed to be changed ( 'Cleaning and tidying' changed to cleans and tidies.) Put it in to the present instead of the past.
Changes to Character
- Wanted to change it from the whole family tidying to only the girl and dad.
- By doing this create a reason for them to be cleaning; which is due to too much dust, due to the pollution (dystopian).
- Make it an obligation for the girl towards her mother, as the mum is ill with asthma. (In the dystopian world this common disease is far more fatal than today)
- Mum is in a wheel chair.
Change to Story
- Don't introduce the mum and dad till after the girl has tidied on her own. Showing her loss of childhood.
- See mum through the doorframe sitting watching TV.
- Dad tells girl to clean sisters room.
- Irritated she goes to sisters bedroom
- Sees butterfly
- This catalyst needs to be more developed, not only escaping her own situation but also her mothers.
- Finishes goes downstairs
- Begins building rocket
- 'I'm going to take mum to the moon'
- Takes mum in the rocket - imagination
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